


The Suicide Button

by Hotspur



Category: Julius Caesar - Shakespeare
Genre: Cat Mario, Gen, Rage Quit, Video & Computer Games, brutus as michael essentially, rage quit level profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 06:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2498462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotspur/pseuds/Hotspur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassius gets Brutus to play one of the most annoying games ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Suicide Button

**Author's Note:**

> From otpprompts.tumblr-  
> "Imagine your OTP/OT3- Person A introducing Person B (B & C if it’s a OT3) to Flappy Bird and Cat Mario. B gets addicted and A just laughs their head off when they hear B rage quit. (If OT3, then C curses A for introducing B to the game(s).)"

It had been a rather dull day around the apartment, until Brutus went completely psycho and nearly broke the computer. That was in part Cassius's fault, but most things could be blamed on Cassius. 

He was the one who hated his job as a civil servant, working in a government cubeville and spending his days typing spreadsheets and hoping a meteor would strike city hall. When Cassius got home, he sometimes played something like Bioshock so he could shoot something without being sent to jail. Today he's been sitting at the desktop computer, playing flash games. One game in particular caught his eye, and he decided to have some fun. 

Brutus walked past the den with a sandwich. 

"Hey, Brutus, you need to see this game," Cassius called. The unsuspecting prey came over, interested.

"What is it?" He asked.

"It's called Cat Mario," Cassius said. "It's based off Super Mario Bros." Brutus was only good at one game, and that was Super Mario Bros. on their old NES. He'd beaten the game several times. Cassius got up from the chair and let Brutus sit down. 

"So it's Super Mario with a cat?" Brutus asked. 

"Of a sort," Cassius replied. Brutus started the game. Level 1-1 was laid out identical to the first level of Mario. 

Brutus tried jumping to hit the first question mark block, but instead of giving a coin, the block was pushed up. "What?" Brutus said. Cassius kept his mouth shut. Brutus reached a green pipe. "Can I go down that?" He asked no one in particular. He jumped on and tried to go down the pipe, but instead, the pipe went up the screen like a rocket. "So it's sending me into space?" Brutus muttered. This game was a little weird. It gave him the lives left screen, and he had two lives to go. At least he got a checkpoint soon.  
Brutus grit his teeth as he tried to move the cat across the screen. He jumped between the triangular form of five blocks, but landed in the middle. The ground gave out on him and Cat Mario plunged to its doom. Brutus tried to keep his cool and Cassius tried not to burst into laughter. "You've got to be kidding me!" Brutus nearly shouted. "I just plummet to my death? Is that it?" 

He tried that part again. The cat lives, which were infinite, were now in the negatives. "You motherfucker!" He shouted as he fell for the fifth time. Finally he managed to pass it. He landed just beyond the next (normal) hole in the ground, in a trench. Cassius knew this was going to be great. Brutus jumped, but each time a block appeared above his sprite. "What?" He shouted, frantically hammering on the arrow keys. "What the fuck?" The cat just slid along the floor of its prison. At one end was a hole that was in the original game. When the sprite was over the hole it didn't fall in. 

"So I can't fall in?" Brutus yelped. "Can I fall in this? Just die? I get here and stay here forever? Can I just die? Is there a suicide button?" Cassius couldn't contain it anymore, and he burst out laughing. "You're not helping!" Brutus yelled. "You got me to play this stupid fucking game!"

Cassius kept laughing at Brutus's plight. "Okay," he said, regaining some composure, "you have to jump over the pit thing."

"How the hell do I do that?" Brutus asked, pounding the arrow keys. 

"Uh, if you jump up on the column before the pit, there's a secret block," Cassius said. 

Brutus tried it and the block appeared. He jumped on it and with that was able to jump over the pit. He struggled through the rest of the level, getting killed by a star and the white oval smiley faces that stood in for goombas. "What is it with these motherfuckers?" Brutus yelled as a line of grinning ovals killed him. After what seemed a million tries he got to the top of the ending pyramid and jumped at the flagpole that signaled the end of the stage. The sprite was immediately hit with a yellow laser beam. 

“WHAT?” Brutus screamed. He tried again and jumped over the flagpole. “Phew,” he sighed. “I thought I’d have to deal with that again.” Cassius bit his cheek. The sprite slid across the ground, nearing the castle, and then a para-goomba landed on top of it- and there was no way to dodge. 

Brutus had had it.

All through this tragedy Portia had been in the living room, looking over case papers. She’d heard Brutus swearing and Cassius laughing and had no context, so she looked in the den. Brutus was screaming profanities at the computer and Cassius was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. Brutus gave up and got up from the computer so quickly the keyboard was lifted and slammed on the desk, and then it was pulled out from the CPU and tangled around Brutus somehow. He threw it on the floor and stormed out of the den. 

“If he broke that I’m blaming you,” Portia said, looking at Cassius.

Cassius looked up at her and burst out laughing again.

They heard muffled swearing in the distance.


End file.
